The journey to love and forgiveness begins with ourselves. Learning to love ourselves is the only way we will ever be able to truly love another. And it’s not an easy task when we hold so much of our pain and suffering inside, burying it so deep in the hope we will never have to face it. But we do have to face it eventually and burying it only creates more suffering on every level. To look fully within ourselves and face our deepest fears, pain, guilt, grief, anger resentment and regrets, and all the cruelty inflicted upon us by ourselves and by others, all takes an enormous amount of courage and dedication. But when we do find the strength to face our shadows and darkness, it really is liberating and life changing. Facing these parts of us and learning to accept them, process them and let them go is an act of self-love which moves us away from the ego and closer to unconditional love.
I feel the journey begins by recognising the lessons that our suffering is teaching us. Processing and understanding our pain is the only way we can truly understand love.
For without pain, how can we discover our true strength,
without sadness, how can we understand happiness,
without betrayal, how can we recognise loyalty,
without suffering, how can we learn compassion,
without loneliness, how can we appreciate companionship,
without fear, how can we learn to find our courage,
without anger, how can we truly know inner peace,
without guilt, how can we find our integrity,
and without grief, how can we recognise the depth that we loved.
All our negative life experiences are teaching us valuable lessons. They are presented to us in order for us to rise above the hardship and recognise and appreciate the things that really matter in our lives, the things that we all take for granted and sometimes never really see. We focus on the things that are bad and let the good slip through our fingers unnoticed.
It’s all too easy to feel a victim to the cruelty inflicted upon us by others. We feel broken and bruised, betrayed and angry, we feel we didn’t deserve bad treatment, we ask why would someone do something so horrible to us, what did we do to deserve it, maybe it was our own fault, maybe we didn't deserve their love,… and it goes on. But the actions of others are not the cause of our suffering, but it’s the choice to respond negatively to those actions that cause our own suffering. In many cases the people that have hurt us have left our lives and probably don’t give us a second thought, but yet we still allow their actions to hurt us by carrying around the pain of the experience. By not allowing ourselves to forgive and let go, the only one that continues to suffer is ourselves. I spent many years with someone whose actions towards me were disrespectful cruel and controlling. I allowed myself to suffer because of their treatment towards me and I felt weak and disempowered, but I came to realise that this person was actually one of my greatest teachers. Over the course of our relationship I grew stronger, more assertive and I began to love myself enough to say ‘no more’. The relationship made me recognise my own worth and because of that I was able to forgive, because that persons ill treatment showed me how to respect myself, and for that I will always be grateful.
Everyone in our lives is there for a reason, to help with Soul growth, whether that be by supporting us in a loving way or by challenging us in a negative way. Both are equally as important. Once we can recognise the Soul lesson and understand the reason for someone's negative actions towards us, it makes it easier to let go and forgive. We can begin to work on what the other person is reflecting back to us through the challenges of the relationship. Once the lesson is learned we can let go and allow ourselves the opportunity to move forward. If the situation is not resolving and the challenge is becoming harder it is because we are not recognising the lesson that has been presented to us for Soul growth. It is our own fears and stubbornness that blind us to the opportunity for self improvement. We blame the other person for making us feel the way we do, but it is us that is creating our own unhappiness. We always have a choice how to respond to someone's negative treatment towards us, either hurt ourselves by responding with fear and anger or love ourselves by respond with compassion and acceptance. By choosing to respond with love doesn't mean we are accepting the other persons bad behaviour, but rather we are accepting the lesson being presented and choosing to rise above it.
It’s also important to remember compassion and that people behave badly because more often than not they are in pain and suffering too. There is always a deeper meaning to someone's negative behaviour and sometimes that negativity can become consuming. They too are on their own Soul journey and this could be about learning how to forgive themselves for their bad treatment towards others. When we look at every situation with love and compassion rather than anger and fear we send out the energy of love to the Universe and that love is reflected back to us.
We are all capable of becoming the greatest and best versions of ourselves and it begins with choosing love and forgiveness, for ourselves and for others.
Beautifully written.